• The fingernails claim is unsettling

  • And aggressive as fuck. Most spiders in Australia are reactive. “Sit on me, I bite you.” Funnelwebs will attack. I’ve seen one chase. Even I- a firm believer that everything should be poked with a stick- don’t taunt funnelwebs.

  • Reason number 846 for not going to Australia.

  • You’re not even safe stepping on it with shoes. Fuckin Australia…

  • So just don’t wear shoes around the Australian Funnel-Web, and you won’t have anything to worry about!

  • The Funnel-Web Spider is more commonly known as the “nope”

  • I’m an Aussie and did not know this.


  • I’ve had a cat bite me through my thumb nail once, and it was a most unpleasant experience. The thought of a *spider* being able to do the same thing makes me feel a little lightheaded and nauseous.

  • Could have lived the rest of my life without knowing that…

  • As an Australian, I had no idea. I knew they were venomous but not dangerous to that extent. You learn something new everyday.

    Edit: thanks /u/Phllips!

  • Between the spiders and Guantanamo bay, the waterboarding doesn’t sound so bad anymore….

  • No wonder it so hot and dry in Australia. Even mother nature is trying too burn the place down after learning about these things.

  • Living in Australia is crazy. In America I feel like my life is at risk because of elderly drivers or maybe cops. In Australia I feel like you could sneeze on a flower and it would take you out. And if the flower didn’t get you the highly venomous snake underneath the flower would have gotten you. If that failed a man of war jellyfish would probably be dropped out of the sky by one of those flying platypi.

  • *Sees Funnel-Web spider across the street, eyes lock, anxiety builds*

    “Nice…nice day today”

    FW-Spider: “Fuck you ya cunt!”

    *Watches as spider runs across the street, frozen in fear.*

    FW-Spider: “Ya look thirsty mate!”

    *Spider glasses me in the face, then bites my big toe*

    And that was my first visit to the land down under.

  • Honestly I’m not that scared of spiders. Sure I don’t want none on my pillow or shoulder, but reading about spiders or seeing images of them goes by undetected.

    It’s like looking at alligators. Don’t exactly feel the need to pet, but can think of holding one for a nice picture if opportunity strikes.

    Except the Funnel-Web, Huntsman and Camel spiders. Those 3 seriously make my skin crawling just watching them.

    Those 3 spiders makes me so glad I live in Sweden where the biggest spider is -in extreme cases- 10 cm across with legs sprawled out that occur in nature. Bigger ones with size like tarantulas are exclusively found at “petting” zoo’s or private homes.

  • Hey, quick question, why are there still people in Australia?

  • So if I remove my shoes and fingernails, I’m safe.

  • Saw a funnelweb on my back porch one evening. Went “nope” and got the bug spray, sprayed it some, it just sat there and I figured that was it. Then next time I looked it had moved, found it again, sprayed it some more, repeated this process 3 more times untill I admitted whatever this chemical was, funnelweb gave no f*!k$. Grabbed a nearby steel bowl of wash up water and placed that on it, squish. In the morning I took the bowl off and it was a pancake but intact. Next time I looked, it was gone. Had a bird taken it? Or had an indestructible spawn of spite and malice shrugged it all off as mere inconvenience.

  • Everyone please downvote. TIL ignorance is bliss.

  • The last time they killed someone though was in 1979.

  • Srsly, our spiders don’t fuck around

  • TIL I’m never going to Australia.

  • To hell with never visiting Australia. I’m never going anywhere in the Southern Hemisphere, just to be extra safe.

  • During an attack, the funnel-web spider generally maintains a tight grip on its victim and bites repeatedly, making it an especially traumatic experience and increasing the risk of severe envenomation.


  • “no deaths have been recorded since the introduction of an antivenom in 1981”

    Australia’s not as bad as you yanks like to make out

  • Killed one with a pool cue about 3 months ago. I was sweeping the yard and it ran out of a pile of leaves and reared up on its back legs when I tried to sweep it away.

    Nasty dirty awful cunts.

  • Spiders are scary.
    Australian spiders are worse.
    Fuck that noise. No thanks.

  • There’s a certain calm in going outside here in Australia and not knowing what’s going to try and kill you today. Going for a swim/hike or even walking the dog (shit you not, nearly stood on a brown snake walking my dog through town a few weeks ago) all turn into “Hold my beer” moments.

  • That’s why we don’t wear shoes.

  • Well that’s just terrifying

  • So what you’re saying is we should nuke Australia?

  • Not from this far away!

  • The title should read ‘Sydney funnel web’. We have more than one species of funnel web, the Sydney one being the most prominent.

  • TIL i now have an even bigger fear of spiders.

  • These are why they make shotguns.

  • All aboard the Nope train 🚉

  • Also one of the worlds most venomous spiders. Also aggressive as fuck. They adopt a threatening posture not to defend themselves, but to get more striking range for an attack.

  • Fun fact: these guys are pretty much out to get you. Their venom is a neurotoxin that’s specifically deadly to creatures with highly-developed brains, aka primates. If one of these beasties bites a dog, horse, what-have-you, it won’t die. But it’ll definitely do a lot more harm to humans, chimps, or other primates.

  • FUUUUCK!! A new fear!

Leave Your Comment